Monday, December 22, 2014

This is our God

"Now your name is Anne, right?" I shook my head and smiled at the elderly gentleman that can't seem to keep my name straight, "No Sir, my name is Rachel". "Ahhh!" he says,"Rachel! I remember now.. Did you know that you know that you have one of the most beautiful smiles, and you have such a gentle and sweet way about you..." I smiled and thanked him.

   This semester proved to be the most difficult one yet but through it all God was faithful. Through a simple prayer every morning I'd ask Him for strength to get through the day, and he proved to be faithful and gave me the strength I needed to get through the various trials of everyday life.  Every time when I felt like I was going to fall He brought someone into my life to catch me and lift me back up again. Even on some days when that,"strength" was through a coffee with a double shot of espresso or an elderly gentleman that called me, "Anne". He knows what we need exactly when we need it, why? Because the maker of Heaven and Earth created you, dear one.

"You've searched me LORD, and know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my laying down. You are familiar with all my ways." Psalms 139:1-3


    He will lead you when you don't have the courage to keep walking. He'll give you the strength to let go of whatever you're hanging on to. He is constant when everything in this world changes in ways you couldn't dream of. He never changes, our God is always there, and he will never leave you nor forsake you. He is the, "I AM" the one with no beginning or end. Strive to be yourself, and in His perfect timing everything will have a reason for happening. With God there are no surprises he knows the outcome of every situation, and that is why Christ is the one we should put our hope and trust in.


Have hope, after all it's Christmas time a season of hope, peace, and joy.


This is our God, living and breathing;
call Him courageous, relentless, and brave. 
This is our God, loving and reaching;
scandalous mercy and mighty to save.
Hallelujah this is our God; hallelujah, this is our God
Hallelujah this is our God; sing praise.



In Him,
Rachel



Thursday, November 20, 2014

Declaring Praise

I'm tired. 
I feel like I should be doing something productive other than spilling my thoughts but my brain won't even let me get that far...

Life, define it and let your brain think on that.

Did you get tired thinking about it?
Did you groan and think of all the things waiting for you when you get off work?
Did you get anxious just thinking about the future and what it may hold?

Did you think one of these, or something else related to it?


Now if you don't want to read a post with me doing nothing but rambling... Please don't continue.My brain is on automatic and I need something to do other than starring at Facebook for the next hour. Who knows maybe I'll actually get a profound thought to work from the back of my head down to my finger tips that are freezing from living in a perpetual state of frozeness.


Back to what I was talking about in the beginning.

The word: Life.

Shouldn't it be a word that's one of excitement? 
A word that makes us happy, and possibly even hopeful when we think about it?

Why is it one that's filled with anxious thoughts, dread, worry, groans, and sighs?


Obviously, I'm not going to talk about what other people think, I'm going to talk about my opinion so, here's what I think:

We are instructed by Christ to live in the world and not of it.

IN vs. OF
I could give you the definitions of them but anyone who's been through the 1st grade know what they mean.

But what do they mean when we put them into context? Specifically the context of this verse:

 "Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of you mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

So lets put this into perspective... Christ calls us to be in the world, simply meaning, "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations." The will of God is to be proclaiming God's word and His salvation to all people. Like I said in a current post A Piece of My Heart which I wrote when I came home from Guatemala about the will of God.

But first before we are in the world, we have to stop being of the world. 

Put off your old sinful nature and strive to live like Christ. It says in Romans 6:6 that we are not slaves to sin any longer, but we act in accordance to righteousness. Gods righteousness, through the gift of His son, Jesus.

"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin bit alive to God in Jesus Christ. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey it's evil desires. Do not offer parts of your body to sin as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been bought from death to life;and offer parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." ~ Romans 6:11-14

So back to what you think about when you hear the word: Life.

 As followers of Jesus we are commanded to stop living the old way of life and focus on the task before us: His good, pleasing and perfect will.

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you maydeclare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light."~ 1 Peter 2:9
So life as a follower of Christ means we:

Declare praises.
Approve of Gods will (meaning you act in His will)
Living a life of grace, and righteousness.


So when we grunt, groan, and sigh about the future, or life in general, are we living for Him? Is the Creator of Heaven and Earth hearing our praises, is He seeing us live in his will, and watching us become like Him?
"Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of you mind...."

In Him.
Rachel




Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Passion

What drives us, gives us an escape, and we can do it endlessly...

Passion

It's a very strong word in my opinion.

We use it to describe things we love doing.

Love and Passion go hand in hand.
 How can you have passion if you don't have love?

Google defines passion as,
 A strong and barely controllable emotion.

Do you know what Google also describes it as?

The suffering and death of Jesus.

That's right, the suffering and death of Jesus.

Passion, originated with our LORD and Savior.

He created the up most act of passion and He portrayed it with perfection.


What are you passionate about?

Here, I'll list some of mine:
  • Music, I could play the piano till I died...or any music for that matter.
  • My family, I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I am to call them my family.
  • Friends, and their understanding awesomeness.*
  • Horses, there's something about riding bareback at a full canter, or galloping through the fields
  • Jesus... My LORD and Savior. The one who brought me out of darkness and showed me light.

   Our passion is what drive us, but we can't do it without love, it's not humanly possible. If I didn't love playing the piano I wouldn't be heading to the piano after I get home from a long day.  If I didn't love horses I wouldn't train, put effort, and take care of them.

Do you see what I'm getting at?

 At the basis of everything is love. Think about this verse,"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."
Love is at the begining of everything, without it we're nothing. If God hadn't loved the world we wouldn't be here... We'd have no hope of a savior coming down to earth and dying for our wretched lives.

 Love and Passion they're tied together.


I'm not talking about human love, for example the love that you show to your significant other. I'm talking about  a love that is patient, kind, compassionate, gentle, does not envy, rejoices with the truth... A love that is out of this world. Something that our wretched lives cannot attain without the grace that is condoned by our heavenly Father. 

We can't find this love anywhere else because it's not attainable without the love of Jesus. 

It all starts with Him: Creation, Love, Passion, our very breaths.

Love without abandon.
Live without letting the things of this world hold you back.

What are you passionate about?



In Him,
Rachel

* Sorry, for the weird twist on words, that's the hyper Rachel leaking out...


Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Be like Him

   I'm home again, and thrown back into college. On Sunday I was lamenting to my Dad about not wanting to go back to class and he asked why, and my only answer was, "Because I have the rough draft of paper due tomorrow and I didn't know that until yesterday.." My answer was only based off a due paper, nothing astronomical or intense. But yet it changed my entire mood. I was groaning, grumpy, and just plain pathetic, all because of a silly paper that was unexpected.

   This situation can be related to a lot of things in life, Ask yourself what you do when someone is late to pick you up, or the people at Taco Bell get your order wrong, or if you have to wait in line at Meijers. We get impatient, upset, grumpy, etc...

   On the way home from Guatemala we came through Dallas, Fort worth.  A couple of people from our group had come down with colds, and honestly they had a pretty nasty cough. It literally sounded as if we had a couple of seals on the plane. Because of this passengers on the plane became anxious and scared because we came from out of the country and flew through Dallas. Dare I say it, the passengers thought that we had Ebola. They quickly told the stewardess who addressed the captain, and at 5:30pm we landed in GR. Upon landing there were ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars all waiting for us. We ended up waiting on the plane for two hours before they ruled out Ebola and we were able to get off the plane. (Yes, we made it on the news)

Yep, that's what it looked like...
    Now that my long story is done, the main emphasis isn't on Ebola, or the sick people. The main emphasis is on the peoples attitudes that were on the plane. They got mad, impatient, upset, rude, and complained a lot. I'm a listener and after running on three hours of sleep and 7 hours on a plane I didn't have any energy to speak anymore. So I listened. I was in shock at the amount of people complaining, even from people I didn't expect.. like people that were, "Christians".

   (Just a side note: If you want to discover who someone actually is, stick them on an 80 degree plane and make them sit there for two hours, you'll find out within 20 mins.)

   Upon getting off the plane I was walking next to my Mom heading towards the baggage claim and she asked me why people act like that. My answer, " Because we're selfish people, mom..."

We are selfish.
Rude.
Mean.
Impolite,
Inconsiderate.

   I could go on, but I'm sure by now you've figured it out that we aren't perfect. We call ourselves Christians and yet we're just as bad as everyone else. Why is that? Is it because we know we've been, "Forgiven" and therefore we can do whatever we want as long as we apologize to our Savior?

    Having forgiveness from Him doesn't mean we can constantly keep using it as a get out of jail free card. We as followers of Christ are called to be like Him!

"Whoever says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked."
1 John 2:6

"For to this you have been called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in His steps."
1 Peter 2:21

"To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."
Ephesians 4:22-24


What does it mean to be a christian then? If we called to be a new creation then how do we define Christianity?

"To be a Christian is to be loved by God, pursued by God, and found by God. To be a Christian is to realize that in your sin, you were separated from God's presence, and you deserved nothing but God's wrath. Yet despite your darkness and in your deadness, his light shone on you and his voice spoke to you, inviting you to follow him. His majesty captivated you soul and his mercy covered your sin, and by his death he brought you life... Jesus died for you so that he might live in you, Jesus doesn't merely improve your old nature; he imparts to you an entirely new nature-one that is completely united with his."." - David Platt

 We are Christians merely because of the grace of God. He died so that we might become like him, perfect, whole, and complete.

In Him,
Rachel



Friday, October 17, 2014

A Piece of My Heart

How can I leave this place? 
I feel as if I've been here forever, and then also like I just arrived. I'm sitting in a boing 737 looking out at the Gulf of Mexico, and I can't help but feel as if Guatemala holds a piece of my heart.
I've learned so much, but it's by nothing I've done. I willingly came to serve, expecting nothing in return, and yet I'm going home changed. After spending a week in San Jaun, I now know what real love is. It's a love that lasts, it's real, sacrificial, and unending. The nannies loved the children with a Jesus love, and the children knew. They knew without a doubt that they had a Daddy in heaven that loved them and would never leave them. 
"Jesus te ama", I told 9 precious little girls and a smile would spread across their face as they giggled and say, "Si, Raquel."


I honestly wouldn't have been able to get through the crazy, wild days at the Malnutrition Center without the strength that God gave me. He taught me how to love through Him, giving me a purpose, and telling me that I was bought with a price. I'm not worthless. I am loved. I am cherished. I am complete. I am made complete... in HIM! Because of His love I don't need any,"extras". I don't need someone else to tell me what I am when I already know. I am a child of God. 
Don't we want to ask why? Why does the creator of heaven and earth love us? Me, a hopeless sinner, now bein called His cherished child?
"Only to hear Him say,"Because I wanted you, and I came to get you so that you might know me as Father" -David Platt- Follow Me

 Why do we constantly ask what Gods will for us is when it's so clear.. "Go into all the world and preach the gospel." It's not a suggestion, it's a command. We are to show the love of Jesus to everyone. We should have the, "fragrance of Jesus" that people know we are followers of Jesus, and they know without a doubt.  We don't have to go into a completely different country to show Jesus. Look around you, there are people that you walk by everyday that need Jesus. They need to know the love of Jesus.. Are we to sit idle and let them walk by without them knowing about His love, and the free gift of salvation that He has to offer to us? 
"This is God's will in the world: to create, call, save, and bless his people for the spread of his grace and glory among all peoples. This will is not intended to be found; it's intended to be followed. We don't have to wonder about Gods will when we've been created to walk in it. We have no need to ask God to reveal his will for our lives; instead, we each ask God to align our lives with the will he has already revealed. 
God's will for is as disciples of Jesus is to  make disciples of Jesus in all nations. Therefore, the question every disciple ask is, " How can I best make disciples of all nations?"  And once we ask this question, we realize that Gid wants us to experience his will so much that he actually lives in us to accomplish it."
David Platt- Follow Me- pages 135-136
In Him, 
Raquel

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Home is where...

   Every morning I wake up to the sun on my pillow, and the dogs scratching at the heavy wood door eager to say good morning. The family calico jumps on her shelf impatiently waiting for her slave to grant her wish of food in her dish, and I pull on muck boots heading outside into the brisk autumn air.

   Red pines guard my home like tall soldiers. Acres of woods hold memories of four childhoods, and the once young trees are now aged with a charming grace. The spring still gurgles and leaps through the woods; sounding the same as it was 17 years ago. Horses nicker at the opening of the creaky screen door. The dogs run out from underneath you, eager to chase the legendary squirrel that they've never caught. Chickens cluck and squawk at the sound of coming footsteps, quickly followed by the thud of hooves on the soft ground. Dark brown eyes anticipate the fall apples on the ground, nickering in anticipation of the crisp crunch of apples. 



And yet I have two homes.

One here, in a little town in Northern Michigan and another that I've only read about in a legendary book. You might know it, it's called Heaven. Okay now no closing the tab or switching to a different page, no I'm not crazy.  It's described as Paradise, a place with no more sorrow, mourning, or pain, a city of pure gold, clear as glass, a place with many rooms.

A place that seems too good to be true.

But it's true.

It's just as real as the phone that you hold in your hand, or the laptop you have on the table. 

It's more real than your Facebook news feed, your twitter, or latest Instagram post. 

It's real, genuine, and a promise from God.

"I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand."
John 10:28


Once we are forgiven, we're always forgiven and nothing we can do can change that.

I know a lot of people would fight this and say, "Once you've committed so many sins.. you're done you've lost your salvation." but to say that you've lost your salvation is going against Gods word, making the God of all creation out to be a liar.

 He says that no one can snatch you from His hand. Not even yourself. But does that mean we just get to live like wild people and do what ever we want because we have a forgiving God?

No. It doesn't.

There was a reason why God gave Moses the ten commandments.

Think about the children of Israel they disobeyed God and ended up spending 40 years in the desert.
Think about David and how he committed adultery, he later lost his son, because of that sin.

Our sins have consequences.

 But if we have the forgiveness of our savior, the consequences of those sins is no longer death. 

We repent, and confess and we receive a sweet forgiveness from our heavenly Father.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and purify us from all unrighteousness." 
1 John 1:9

Life comes with pain, sorrow, mourning, and hardships.

Life also comes with forgiveness, love, joy, and an eternity in heaven with God.



Monday, September 8, 2014

I got this

*breathes out*
I've got this. The fall semester of 2014 has started and I'm on my way. On my way....
What does that entail, what does it mean, and what should I do about it....
*thump, thump, thump*
My heart's pounding, I suppose that's a good thing...
 I'm learning and trying to breathe while doing it all.. a job, finding a car, payments, studying/homework, and 16 credits at college. I'm learning more this year than I did last year, big life decisions loom over me and threaten to squash me like a I did to the spider in my bedroom last night. But above me is a powerful, strong, and downright incredible God holding that weight off my head. He's letting me take hold of His hand, and He's leading me and transforming every single day. Yes, you read that right.. Every day. And hey, He's doing it to you too.... If you let Him.


He wants to lead you, guide, you or take hold of your small puny hand. If you let Him.
We all need Him, we need this Holy Jesus, we can't live our simply crazy lives without Him, trust me I've tried it and I failed miserably. 

We get to know this God, and the thing that sends chills down my spine: we were chosen first, and He's loved you first. I heard this song yesterday go through my Pandora channel. I usually don't listen to the lyrics when I'm doing school, but the genre changed from rocking out to Toby Mac, to listening to Jami Grace. It caught my attention and I ignored my Art textbook for 4 mins.

We get to love him. Back.







Think about it. We get to Love the King of creation, this Holy, infinite God, who loved us first with a relentless Love...
and we get to Love him back.

People, that's BEAUTIFUL.

We mess up, we fall smashing our faces into the dirt, we're at our all time low ready to do something drastic and the King of Heaven picks us up and dusts us off. He forgives and forgets. He doesn't hold anything against us, and all the while He loves us.

It's a completely different type of love.. 

A Godly love

Relentless

Forgiving

Unchanging

There's nothing human about it.
Think about how you love.... Do you follow 1 Corinthians 13 to a tee? No, you don't. Because you're human and there isn't anything perfect about you. 

You're a mess, that's right a mess.

and Jesus loves that mess.



Thursday, July 3, 2014

For everything there is a season and a time for every matter

Summertime is finally here! If you just survived a MI winter like I did you'll understand my excitement. This summer however has brought many, many firsts.
Ya know, things that have never happened before to you or your family. Things that can be simple and fun, or huge and stressful, and are all worth it.

Hannah and Tyler
#1~ MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry to burst your eardrums but Hannah and Tyler are getting married in nine days! The wedding and reception are being held outside at a friends house that over looks the bay. I'm standing up in the wedding as the third bridesmaid, and I cannot wait to watch to my big sister become Mrs. Armantrout!

Now.. are you ready for this?.. you might want to put in earplugs.


Nathan and Margret
#2~ MY BROTHER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep, you read it right. Nathan will be marrying the love of his life, Margret in early August! His wedding is a little less then a month after Hannahs, and let me tell ya, I never knew weddings were soooooo intense.

okay, now for a more.. simple first



Silly little sisters
#3~ Playing basketball in the dark with the lil sister. Teresa and I got tired of sitting on our butts watching an old (boring) western and we decided to hightail it outside and shoot some hoops... at 10 o'clock at night. We giggled at the fact that we couldn't see much of anything, just shadows, and would scream when a ball came at us. Let me tell ya though, even in the dark Teresa can perform some pretty sweet lay-ups.






And... a more painful first

My lovely bruise only two hrs after it happened
#4~ Last night I was kicked by my horse. Honestly I have a hard time remembering how it happened. I just remember a heavy blow to my thigh and then doubling over in pain trying not to pass out. I'm now sporting a limp, and a pretty intense bruise. I'm so thankful that he kicked my thigh rather than my knee, shin, head, stomach.. even though it's painful it's probably the best area to be kicked by a horse.





Pulling weeds at the  bay view Mansion house







#5~ I now have a job in Bay View, being the gardener for a woman I met through my other job. This job is a total answer to prayer.. and I'm so grateful to God for providing it.

Now.. I have to go back to icing my leg. Have a wonderful Independence Day!
~Rachel


Sunday, June 22, 2014

Humility

I'm starting to learn through everything that's happened lately that God is giving me a heavy dose of humility.

Though there have been hard situations, I've found joy in being able to finally answer the, "What are you going to college for?" question.

At NCMC I'm pursuing an associates degree in Early Childhood Education (ECE) and when I'm done with that I will remain at NCMC while getting my bachelors through LSSU. The crazy thing about this, I used to greatly dislike babysitting, being with little people aka kids, and tolerating their antics. Now I look at them and see a chance to make a difference in their lives. I see there personalities that come out at such a young age, and their ability to learn so quickly. God totally turned my perspective around, and I couldn't be more excited to start the fall semester.

I went through a long year at college not knowing what I wanted to do... not even having a desire to do anything, or learn anything. I started out thinking I wanted to be a vet tech, then a music therapist and when that fell through with Western i was frustrated and confused, I told God that he'd have to show me what he wanted me to do. I wanted to make an impact on the world. Only two months later I was sitting in Psychology listening to the professor, he was on the topic of learning and how easily kids adapt to things they are taught, he mentioned, "The opportunity to be a teacher is a gift, a chance to make an impact on someones life." It hit, I don't know what it was, or how I knew, but I did.  He knew what He wanted me to do, and all I had to do was stop trying to figure it out on my own, and let my Abba Daddy lead me.

Letting God lead you and show you His plans for your life takes courage, and humility. Not getting proud that you know what you're going towards, or the typical, "I know everything" 'tude. At times it can be painful letting God use you. Sometimes we suffer and other days we rejoice, but we need to be firm in our faith on the days when we feel like we are being attacked by the devil. The devil has no hold on your life, we act like there's a battle between God and Satan when really Satan doesn't stand a chance against God. God is sovereign, and the devil isn't anywhere close. I was sitting on my bed the other night, leaning over my bible I came across these verses.


"You younger men(or women), likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all you anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a while. the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." 1 Peter 5:5-20

So in ending this long post, have humility my friend, and learn to let Him lead you. Cause in the end of it all He knows more than we do.

~Rachel

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Counting Stars

   It's Sunday, and I can't help but feel like I'm missing something.. Something I was supposed to do, something I had to do, something that I needed to do. Yet when I really sit here and actually think about it there isn't anything pressing down on me, or starring me in the face. My world can so easily feel like it revolves around me. Little ol' me. A freshy in college, taking 16 credits, and working at the bookstore. There I go again... all about me.

   It makes me feel so discontent, worthless, and ungrateful when I do this, and to be honest it's incredibly overwhelming. But why? Why do we as people want to make the world think that we're the best thing since sliced bread, trying to get as much attention as possible? The only reason I can find or rather come up with, is that we are all searching to be loved, and in that searching we tend to make everything about us. When you think about it though, that's downright pathetic. Especially when we have a God that loves us more than we could ever imagine or wish for. We can't find this love in music, food, people, clothes... but in the heavenly Daddy that wants us to run to Him, and hold us in his arms.

Have you ever watched a couple hug each other? They do it tenderly, gently, slowly, full of love

Have you ever watched a little kids face light up when they see their Daddy walk through the door? It's filled with joy, anticipation, and love.

Have you ever watched an old man glance at his wife? The way he glances at her makes you think she was 20 years old instead of 82.

We all get so caught up in the world searching for love, when we have a God who wants nothing more than to hold us like young lovers, have you run to him like a little kid, or turn to him in awe like the old man.

    I cannot stress it enough how absolutely relentless His love is. It's unyielding, determined, and unstoppable. No matter how unloving you may ever be, when the people of this world turn you away; the God of the heavens and the earth loves you. The God who created the stars and knows them all by name; but most importantly, He loves you because He created you.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name." ~Pslams 147:3-4

~Rachel

Friday, January 24, 2014

An Avalanche

 These two past weeks have brought many surprises, some wanted and some not so much. God has challenged me a lot. The biggest blow: finding out a friend has cancer.

It happens when we least expect it, and it has the most diverse affects. People all react differently when they find out they have cancer: some rejoice in it knowing that God has a plan, others sulk and get incredibly depressed, and some treat it like a boxing match; like something that has to be beaten. This young man responded with saying that God has a plan and that He knows what He's doing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Where are you?" I texted a friend and waited for a response, he responded with walking around the corner smirking. We sat down and my phone went off, "That's odd" I thought, "I thought I put it on silent." I looked down at the text and quickly opened it.

I starred at my phone reading the text I had received. My eyes scanned over it 10 times and my mind tried to wrap around the fact of what I just read, " I have Non Hodgkins Lymphoma." I quickly passed it over to my friend and let him read it. He sighed. "That makes the second person in one month." I responded. A deep wave of sympathy and regret ran over me.

I was at the college for the rest of the day, trying my hardest to act like nothing had happened. 9:30 hit and I was finally home. I threw my backpack on the end of my bed where it landed with a loud thud, matching the beating of my heavy heart. Sitting down on my bed I rested my head in my clenched fists, taking everything in: the first week of classes, stress at work, decisions about college, and now another person in my life with cancer. "Why, Abba?" I begged, "Why did this have to happen again?" 

Cancer brings back so many hurtful memories. They cascaded over me like an avalanche. A small voice reminds me that He is sovereign, mighty, and that everything is in His hands. There is nothing that I can do, but pray. Lifting my voice to Him and let Him do His will. God is in control no matter what happens, even in the least expected He knows what He's doing. Test results, unexpected plans, bad weeks, and heavy emotions can't change what He'll do in the end.

Yesterday was a thing of the past, I could look back at all the things I've done wrong, or I could  look to the future and know that God has given me a second chance. A chance to help the people around me that are having to deal with this horrible disease. And knowing without a doubt that God holds everything in His hands.